Here’s another Hot Take™: if doctors are going to default assume anyone who brings up the subject of pain meds or expresses ongoing pain is “drug seeking” or an addict, they are already going into their diagnosis not believing their patient, and specifically not believing that their patient is either as in pain as they say or in pain at all. You can’t deny that, its a reality. This assumption already puts them in a position of seeing the patient as a liar, as antagonistic to their goals, and as someone who needs to have decisions made for them apart from what they feel is correct
When you consider that doctors are willing to prescribe pain medication in abundance to people who have temporary physical issues like surgery aftercare, the dissmissive way people who self-report pain or have ongoing pain are treated becomes glaringly obvious
My dad is a heavily tattooed man. Like, arms, legs, fingers, neck. He’s heavily tattooed because he’s a tattoo artist.
Around late 2010 he realized something was wrong with his shoulder, or at least that’s when I remember him first making mention of it. Nothing serious, it was just sore a lot. Tattooing didn’t help it but it didn’t seem to be hurting it and he had three kids to feed and he loved making art. Fast forward to 2014-15-ish, my dad’s pain is getting to be too much. He’s taking extended days off of work, he’s spending days in bed because it’s the only thing that makes the pain lessen. He’s seen doctors, but they’re skeptical, especially up here where the opioid crisis is hitting hard. They see a man covered in tattoos with a big beard and take a wild guess what they think of him.
My dad’s pain gets so bad he has to stop tattooing all together. He had to close the business he raised from nothing because he couldn’t afford to keep his tattoo shop open anymore.
(Which is a shame all in of itself because it was genuinely the only 100% clean and safe shop WITH decent artists in the area, most others are, owned by people who stole from my dads shop, a pair of awful parents, skinheads, people who’ve attempted to murder their girlfriends twice, etc. but I digress.)
My dad goes back to school, keeps seeing doctors. They send him to physical therapy, the physical therapist actually makes it worse. They tell him to rest, put heat on it, that does nothing. They essentially do everything in their power to avoid giving him any real help to avoid prescribing him any sort of pain medication.
Fast forward 2016, my dad’s family moves downstate. They’re living in a college town with a lot better doctors than we have up here. The doctor he sees immediately send him to a chiropractor. The chiropractor tells my dad his shoulder and neck look worse than any car crash victim he’s ever treated. He had a disk in his neck that was pinching a shoulder nerve because of the way he’d been holding his tattoo gun for years and years and years. He’s had at least three epidurals and is on mild pain meds now and he’s been recovering kind of bumpy and slow, but well. All because a doctor took his pain seriously.
That said though, because of the years of mistreatment, my dad is nowhere the artist he used to be. He used to teach colored pencil drawing seminars at tattoo conventions because he was absolutely amazing at blending Prismacolor pencils in an incredibly smooth way. He cannot do that anymore. He might be healing, but he will never be able to apply that same pressure to the pencil again.
Doctors can be horribly biased people and it’s downright unethical the way they dismiss people with serious pain issues just because they think they might be looking for drugs.
What I want to say: I’m really interested in what you are saying. As my friend, I support you. I want you to know I am still here, still listening, and still enjoying what we are sharing together. However as this is a topic I myself have no experience with, or little to say or offer, I’m unable to produce much in the way of input from my side. However trust that I still adore listening to you!
before he even knocked on mj’s door, my boi peter parker firstly took care of himself. LOOK AT HIM.
he’s lost weight he’d gained during his bad days. he combed his hair. he’s got a clean suit. he’s got flowers. he’s about to smile. he’s nervous, but ready to face the love of his life.
he probably also tidied up his apartment, organized his documents and desktop, did his laundry, cut his hair, started shaving regularly, and only then he faced mj.
remember to take care of yourself first, people. everything comes from within and starts with you.
This detail makes me so happy, because he doesn’t want to be pitied. He wants to prove to MJ that he’s ready to be back in her life and that he’s ready to be a dad so he gets off his butt and stops wallowing in his own sadness and takes care of himself. And all it took was for Miles to remind him what it means to be Spider-Man, and to put him in a situation where he has to be better than he has been recently. It fills him with the confidence he needs to take the next step in his life no matter how afraid he is.
As much as Peter was able to teach Miles, he learned just as much from him at the same time. It’s a beautifully crafted arch that the both of them go through and it’s the best way to have Peter in a Miles story, without stealing the show.
God I love this movie.
See this is what “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else” means. It doesn’t mean that people with no self-esteem don’t deserve love. It means that you can’t be dependent on your partner to take care of you, because that isn’t fair to them. They didn’t sign up to be your mother. Peter B couldn’t have gotten MJ back in the wallowing state he was in before he met Miles because he wasn’t ready to build a life with her yet.
An anti is someone in fandom who harasses, threatens, and cyberbullies other fans because of what characters they like, what pairings they ship and what content they write/read.
They claim to be against “pedophillic ships” but their definition of pedophilia is…completely and utterly out of whack. Things antis have literally called “pedophilic” or in support of “pedophilia” include:
Relationships involving two adults
Relationships between teenagers that fall under Romeo and Juliet laws (a 16 year old dating an 18 year old, for example, or even a 17 year old dating an 18 year old)
Relationships involving any age difference whatsoever (an 18 year old and a 20 year old? pedophilia. a 40 year old and a 60 year old? pedophilia.)
Relationships involving people with a height difference (because short people are “child coded”)
Relationships involving neurodivergent and mentally ill people (iirc this was specifically targeted towards autistic people because antis think they’re “child like” which makes them literally children to antis)
Teaching sex ed to kids in school.
CSA survivors writing about their abuse in any capacity.
CSA survivors saying they don’t like their abuse being compared to fanfic about cartoon characters.
CSA survivors saying they don’t want to get involved with fandom discourse
and etc etc etc, the list goes on, and the point is that when antis say they’re against pedophilia very rarely are they talking about actual pedophilia. They’ve misused the word from hell and back in order to shut down anyone who disagrees with them (actual CSA survivors included) to the point where people on this site have alarm fatigue from the sheer amount of false pedophilia accusations these people have made. Their definition of “incest” is also just as incorrect—they consider characters who have been friends since childhood to be “siblings”, they’ve also called ships between adult characters incestuous because one adult is older than the other.
Antis have also
Made constant death threats and sent suicide baiting messages to both minors and CSA survivors
Told both survivors and minors they deserved to be abused/raped/killed
Accused CSA survivors of being pedophiles, pedophile apologists, or just as bad as their abusers
Accused minors of being pedophiles and pedophile apologists for drawing, writing, or shipping minor characters who are their age or older
Flooded people’s submit boxes with everything from pictures of dead animals to torture to actual child porn
Harbored actual abusers (there’s literally a rapist in the anti-reylo community right now who they refuse to do anything about and this is not the only situation like this that has happened - several antis have been outed as actual predators and the anti community protected them every time while anti antis were the ones trying to get attention to the situation)
Used racist, ableist, transphobic, and other slurs against shippers.
Attempted to dox multiple bloggers
Harassed a woman on twitter who had nothing to do with fandom because her username was ‘klance’ (her actual name is K. Lance) to the point she had to contact the police
Threatened to kill show staff members and their families
Frequently ignore callout posts for actual predators and child abusers while giving thousands of notes to posts calling people out for their ships
Denied the identities of other fans to try and make their own arguments look legit (frequently call queer fans cishet, fans of color white, frequently accuse abuse survivors who disagree with them of lying about their abuse, etc)
and I could literally go on all day.
Antis are not about being against “pedophilic ships”, they’re about using the false accusation of pedophilia to harass people who read/write/ship/enjoy things they don’t like and the people who they target are frequently abuse survivors and minors and other marginalized people.
Their behavior doesn’t make fandom (or at-risk people in fandom) safer and multiple abuse survivors (myself included) have spoken out about how antis have made fandom unsafe for us to be in and how triggering their behavior in pursuit of attacking “pedophilic ships” (which, again, are rarely actually pedophilic) is to us. Absolutely nothing antis have done is in pursuit of actually improving fandom and they frequently refuse to do or support anything that people could do to make fandom a safer experience (antis frequently refuse to use tumblr’s filtering system or any blacklist extension, they shit on the proper tagging of fics/fanart/other posts which is a system that exists to help people protect themselves, and multiple fans have stated that they’re now afraid to properly tag their posts because antis use those tags to harass people—something that actively harms fans because if posts aren’t properly tagged then people get hurt by being exposed to content they don’t want to see).
The thing is that media criticism is good, it’s helpful, it’s beneficial to everyone—-this is a sentiment that most anti antis agree with—-and people are allowed to have content and ships they don’t like but what antis do is not media criticism but personal attacks towards people for the media they create and consume that go so far over the line to the point of being criminal, and what antis do is not simply being against certain content but expecting all of fandom and everyone in the world to only consume content that antis tell them is okay (and meanwhile antis are incredibly hypocritical and frequently consume the very same kind of content that they harass others for enjoying—-see: there are antis who ship pairings like Hannigram and watch shows like Devilman Crybaby, while they harass other people who enjoy other content with the same or even milder themes).
Basically TLDR - Antis paint themselves to be the good guys going on a just crusade against abuse and “abusive ships” but they’re the abusive element in fandom and have harmed countless people with their rhetoric and behavior.
Before you believe a word they say, actually look into some anti anti blogs and get the other side of the story because anti’s side of things is a total distortion of reality and the truth. Try: @anti-anti-survivor, @theassholeantiarchive, @leproblematique, @antipurity for starters.
Signal boost this!
For anyone who is “discourse neutral” and encounters misconceptions among your friends about this, here’s a very good post to reblog as a PSA.
Additionally:
Not everyone is involved with the discourse and that’s OK, but this particular movement is dangerous and cultlike. The misconception that they’re just media critics or “SJWs” is similar to the misconception that Scientology is just a religion. It gives them cover to abuse and harm people. Raising awareness makes this harder.
Not everyone who identifies themselves as an “anti” (or as a scientologist or member of any other cult group) is directly in on the abuse. Some are just naïve to the fact that their innocent presence in the group is covering for it. The abusers are very glad to use this cover, however.
All of the bullet points in the post correspond to situations and events I have actually observed, read receipts from, etc. They are not exaggerations. I did not collaborate with @nonbinarypastels on this post and yet the incidents they’re referring to are all familiar to me.
This is an important post to share, particularly if your blog has a lot of younger people following it.
@just-antithings idk if you’ve seen this but I think it’s important
I’ve seen this post before and it’s a good post that deserves to be brought back
